HAPPY END OF THE WORLD

The day before, I got back from work and took a bike ride around the neighborhood listening to Yo La Tengo, I was so happy! Lately I've been thinking about college and just how much I'll miss the city and home. It's been a busy few weeks. I don't like the class I'm assisting, so many of them are just impatient or lack the willingness to do the work. I suppose my real complaint is that they lack passion for it. I'm glad I met Yesica though, one of the students, just a year younger than me. You can tell she's struggled a lot, there are only a few I've met that match in strength. Everything she does, she does with great deliberation.

Today I went to MoCA and got to know Eugene better on the subway ride back. He's really fun and often makes me laugh. We have very different temperments, it seems. He's much calmer than I am. Sometimes he'll just ask me if I'm alright, because I'll look nervous or worried, and that'll just be my natural state. We talked about relationships and agreed on many things. His relationship with his girlfriend is the reason that I'm so afraid to be in one. I can tell that he worries about it, but he seems able to keep it from affecting other areas of his life.

It's a rainy day and I'm listening to Yo La Tengo again.

When I was sweeping the backyard, I saw a feather and thought avian flu.

like ghosts coming out of their gossamer shrouds. medieval armor.

Last Friday was a wonderful day, there was a time when I couldn't stop smiling and would even laugh to myself because I was so happy! A photographer came in to speak to the class, one of the most beautiful men I've met. He spoke on photography with such sincerity and lyricism, truer words have never been said! ok, I exaggerate, it's clear that I'm most in awe of him yes? His photographs from India were inspiring, his private collection. He was taught old school in Switzerland, and saw photography as truly an art form, each photograph a connection, with everything in place as meant to be. The process seemed spiritual to him. He said, "Not everything I see is worth a photograph," which is something I've thought to myself as well. How does one decide what is worth anything? He spoke on choosing when not to photograph, and choosing to spend the time living in the moment instead, a decision that should not be made lightly. He seemed totally grounded and secure, even in his uncertainty. I could hardly contain myself.

After the class, I met with Wendy at MoMA. They currently have their exhibition of Dada up, as well as Douglas Gordon: Timeline. We couldn't take the former seriously, there were only a few pieces that we liked (mostly from Berlin). There was one by Duchamp that was a little interactive, To be looked at (from the other side of the Glass) with One Eye, Close to, for Almost an Hour Though after four seconds of staring, we had enough. Wendy kept facetiously saying "My God, the symbolism," which amused me greatly. Douglas Gordon was amazing. He's known for "24 Hour Psycho" which is Hitchcock's Psycho slowed to a screening time of 24 hours. Single frames, moments, were presented and reconceptualized. I read that he believed in a collective visual memory, which reminded me of Vineland. It was really impressive.

Enough of modern art, we left for South Street Seaport to see Juana Molina. She was cute in her yellow dress, and played pretty songs. She used tracks to fill in for some of the instruments. Sometimes she would stop playing, and the music would keep going, which made us suspicious. We shared dusk. A fun time was had.

Last night I met Alexandra for dinner and a movie. We went to this Thai place on Bleecker in the West Village, had it to go, and went to see The Motel. It was a pretty sweet film, made us laugh and cry at the same time. It's a story about a Chinese American boy going through puberty and his family that owns a hotel. There were a few characters, including a Korean playboy-type man, and a crazy aggressive Chinese mother. Everything was really well done, subtle (the way I like it). There were a few poignant moments that were touching. It was nice to see there was a good number of Asian/Asian Americans there. After it ended, the director and some of the cast came out for a little Q&A. It was ironic how the actor (who played the boy) wanted to be a doctor, when the boy he played wanted to write. He carried his role well, and wasn't even professionally trained, he had only heard about the film at Chinese school (his mother forced him to try out).

After the movie, we went back to the Thai place. Alexandra had masterfully eaten her dinner at the theater. I couldn't, pineapple duck just wasn't meant to be eaten in the dark. So, seeing how the restaurant business is one of accomodation, we asked if they could reheat my dinner, which is probably the strangest request I've ever had at a restaurant. They were really kind, and so I decided I'd have to tell everyone about it and bring as many people there as possible (aside from the food, the decor was really great, flowered wallpaper- dark green and dense, and wonderful lights- pretty and orb-like). Alexandra had a refreshing lychee martini and we talked about all sorts of things. I'm so happy I got to meet her and work with her. Both of us share the same interests and appreciate the same things, so we've really gotten along quite nicely. After leaving a large tip, we walked around Alexandra's hood, and it occured to me how important it is to have an actual physical location to place your memories, or just to have constant reminders of past happenings. For instance, I had accidentally stepped on gum, and now I have gum on my shoe to remember the night. I find these little mementos are truly necessary, for me at least, if I'll ever remember anything again. It bothers me that I can so easily adapt to certain conditions and forget so much. I suppose constant retellings would help, but part of me says, why go over the past?

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