HAPPY END OF THE WORLD

The family went to Maine for two days. We left Tuesday night, to break up the drive. Dad occasionally switched off the headlights and dashboard light. for kicks I suppose. He said he liked driving into the darkness. It was story-telling time, he told us about his travels with Mom in Europe. Stuff they did then couldn't possibly be done now, totally different world. We got to Haverhill around midnight and headed to Portland the next morning. The drive was mostly scenic, it was quite nice. The people there seem to live relatively easy lives. I kept seeing the same people over and over again (there are only so many places one can go) and I was reminded of Swat. We visited the Portland Museum of Art, saw an exhibition called Paris and the Countryside: Modern Life in Late 19th century France. James Tissot, Louise Abbema, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec are some names worth mentioning. Their modern art collection was decent, I liked one piece by Jean Arp, a German-French sculptur who was a founding member of Dada in Zurich, called Star, it was meant to be some abstraction manifested.

The next day we went to Cape Elizabeth to see a lighthouse and Peaks Island to bike around. Things got pretty tense towards the end of the day. Dad was being ridiculous, unreasonable, agravating. Sometimes I can enjoy his eccentricities, but most of the time he just confuses me. Most of the time I don't know what to expect of him. I wouldn't be surprised if he got so angry he left us in Maine. I used to struggle with that, the possibility of being abandoned by him, or betrayed or something like that. I almost expect it now.

Early this week, I acquired a bamboo bird cage using store credit after returning a clock with Mao and a waving hand of his little red book on the face of it. There was nothing I really wanted, and on impulse, I chose the cage. The whole subway ride home I thought hard about what I might use it for. I kept thinking about a cage, its purpose, its use. It occured to me that a cage protects and traps and this idea was quite interesting to me. I'm going to use it in a photography project, I'm very excited about it.

Friday. I met with Nami, possibly for the last time before school starts. We saw Little Miss Sunshine, which I absolutely loved. The actors made the characters so real. The end was ridiculous, yet in the context of the family's history, almost made sense. Towards the end of the film, Steve Carell's character advises the miserable teenage boy of the family to cherish his teenage years, as in suffering there's growth (I read my previous post and this came to mind). In the entire film, the family suffers, but they come through, and triumph in their way. After, we met Dan, one of Nami's friends from Harvard. We talked and hung out in his hotel for a bit, before going to see Hot Chip at South Street Seaport. They are classified as electropop and their music was quite satisfying and fun to dance to. Then we met Dan and Nami's other Harvard friends in the meatpacking district for dinner. The district has never really interested me, an area I've regarded as mostly just trendy and lacking in character, but the dinner was nice for what it was. By the end of the night, I was glad I went to Swarthmore.

Saturday. I met with Camila for dimsum, and we caught up on each other's summers. I can't say I entirely enjoy the catching-up part, which isn't to say I don't enjoy hearing about people's lives, but it's really the work in a relationship. It's conversation, not discussion. Not sure if the distinction is entirely right, but it's something like that. We soon got to discussing though. After, we went to a museum on Himalayan art. I went to a wedding, and then met up with her again at the Brooklyn Museum. Later in the night, I dropped her off around Koreatown for karaoke with Xing.

Sunday. We met again for lunch at the only Chilean restaurant in the city. It was really good and so wonderful to have Camila share her experiences in Chile with us. We had Pisco Sours, made with Chilean brandy, which were yummy, and shared humitas and other dishes. Afterwards, we left for Williamsburg, so she could see what the people who live in the barn aspire to be. She was culture shocked when we got off the train. We soon found a place to sit and talk, a Thai place, and we ordered Poochi Poochi, the cutest sake ever. It even tasted cute. I kid. but it was tasty. We walked to the water, where these old men were sitting around and talking. They were kind and offered to help us walk out via the planks, but we declined. After walking some more, I sent her off on a Chinatown bus.

Camila is truly one of the only people I look forward to seeing at Swarthmore again. We discussed our plans for the future and dreams (it's to live in Oakland next summer, with internships from the Lang grant), and I'm so excited for them to happen. I just can't bear the feeling of waking up feeling like I don't know where I am even though I know perfectly well the location. At Swarthmore, I'm constantly being tested and I can't stand the uncertainty and insecurity, the transient nature of the place. I only want to go home. I discussed these things with Wendy on a walk today. I biked to her house and we got water ices from a place on Austin and Ascan. The walk was pleasant and easy. The talk was a bit heavy, but Wendy is good at listening and I'm comfortable around her. I felt less ambivalent by the end of it. I'm going to miss walking.

This is the second heat wave since I've been back, I was planning on riding the bike over to Magali's place, but that might not be possible for fear of heat exhaustion. The photography program has ended, it culminated with a show last night. I ended up liking most of the kids, their work being the best we've seen (I think. I can't quite recall all the other summers). The performance wasn't anything outstanding, which isn't to say that it wasn't worth seeing. Watching it, I kept thinking what a pivotal four years high school was. I spent most of it discounting a lot of what I felt, I simply attributed those feelings to being a teenager. Now that the program is over, I think I'll take August easy, spend more time with family and friends.